Into Prison...

On Saturday, 9 of the Prison Fellowship interns went to the James River Correctional Center near Richmond, VA. At security level 2 (out of 6), this prison was filled with men who were on their way out. Reentry was, on average, less than 7 years away for the majority of men housed here. It was our privelege to be able to attend classes with the men who are involved with Prison Fellowship's reentry program at the site.

The reentry program consists of classes 5 days a week (Monday-Thursday, Saturday morning) where the men learn basic life skills needed to survive on the outside. But all of the skills they learn are based upon biblical principles.

When we first arrived, we got a tour of the grounds. As we stood in front of one of the buildings and the guide went on about the number, race, and average crime of the men in the facility, my focus fell from her to the men playing basketball behind her. Her voice faded into the Charlie Brown's teacher type, and I watched them competing on the court. They were playing like any other guys, anywhere else. I thought of my fiancé, who was, at that exact moment, doing exactly the same thing these men were doing. He was playing in a different state, with different men; probably with a better ball, on a better court, and most likely, making more of his shots than these men I was watching. But there was no real difference between them and him when it came right down to it. They are just as "normal" as he is, men just like him. And it gave me an intensely personal view of the prisoners standing in front of me. I thought about their wives and their kids, their lives before prison. And somehow, in the midst of all this thinking, the barbed wire behind them disappeared, the uniform clothing faded away, and they were just men having fun with a ball and a hoop.

After the tour, we joined the men in the program half way through their Saturday morning class. Don Coleman was the guest speaker, focusing on three things: the Kingdom of God (characterized by righteousness, peace, and the joy of the Spirit), humility, and maintaining healthy relationships. Once we joined them, he started talking about race relations, as every one of the men in the program were black, and all the interns, save one, were not. He talked about the need for prayer, the need to provoke Christians past the church and into the Kingdom of God, the need to accept our differences, embrace them even, and still live in community... He was a convincing speaker, in that controversial kind of way.

I think the most powerful part of his lesson was not what he said. It was not what he brought to us in word, or the power of his language, or the persuasion in his voice. It wasnt the yelling, the calling us out, the righteously judging. It was, quite simply, his ushering in of the Spirit.

Yes, what he said made me think. Hard. But the power was brought in through the Presence of the Almighty God entering into that room in a way no one could rightfully ignore or deny. And it is solely because of that Presence that the next part of our visit was as powerful as it was.

Once Pastor Coleman finished, he left, and we stayed in the room with the men as he was brought to the gate and let out. Within minutes, the room was booming with... conversation. Yep, thats it. Just conversation. Nothing special. Just your every day, friendly conversation. Each of us had turned to each other and struck up a topic.

But take a step back, and you can see how powerful it was. You can see how impossible it would have been outside the realm of God's Presence within that room. Heres the picture: 8-10 black men: all dressed alike in their light blue collared shirt and denim pants, labeled with the term "prisoner", sitting inside a classroom with a metal detector right outside the door, and thick barbed wire running outside each window. 9 college students: majority of them white, most never having been inside a prison, seeing the bars and barbed wire that they are by no means used to. And suddenly, each start talking to each other, one on one, like they had known each other long enough to be completely comfortable. Within minutes.

Not something you see every day.

I talked to Mr. Holmes (within the program, everyone is referred to respectfully by their last name). He was 23 years old, in prison for drugs. With just a little over a year left in his sentence, we talked about his plans. His dream is to get a college education in computer science, and to counsel kids in a similar situation he was in before going to prison. He told me of how he grew up in a family with a very strict mother who cared about him. But he fell into peer pressure, and tried to please people any way he could. He told me of his fear when he first entered the prison walls as a 21 year old, told me of his cousin that he is afraid will do the same thing, told me of his determination to make a real life when he gets out. He told me of his fear of public speaking and his intense discomfort in front of people; and he told me of his dreams and visions of God using him in front of groups of people to tell his story and the power of Christ. Through it all, I could see the power Christ had brought to his life. The change Christ had brought.

We were able to finish up the morning by praying with the men: us for them, them for us, all of us for each other. And then we said goodbye. And as I walked out, I knew the face of Mr. Holmes would stay with me. The same way all the other faces do. Andy from my first prison visit in high school. Hope from the prison near school. Richard and Jose and Menor from the prisons in Costa Rica. The faces of precious friends who have made my life better as they passed through. Because they showed me firsthand the power of the God of change.

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Lesson for Today: A lot of foods you can get sick of pretty easily. Like PBJ sandwiches, peaches, salad. If eaten enough over a small amount of time, it gets pretty old. But some foods will never fit that category. And over the summer, Ive decided pancakes belong on that list.

Oh, and Bran cereal with strawberries is probably one of the best things youll eat - ever.

Real Beauty...

At work today, I was listening to a webinar on marketing. One of the examples they used as pretty successful was the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty. Interested, I checked it out.

Its pretty cool. The whole campaign is centered around teaching young girls what real beauty is. Real beauty is not what we see every day on billboards, in magazines, and on tv. Real beauty is you.

They have a self esteem zone with tools, videos, quizzes, and all sorts of other interactions that help teach young girls how to see themselves in a better light. It also has a lot of focus on the role that moms and mentors play in the development of a girl's healthy self image.

Its nothing profound, I guess. Or maybe it is. But I thought it was worth talking about, at any rate, because this stuff is real life. Not a used to be, but a now. Not an over there, but a right here. Not a minor deal, but a huge problem facing every young girl (and older women, too) in America and across the world.

Fighting a problem with truth.

(Also of note are the Dove films on the site. Evolution is particularly capturing.)

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Lesson for Today: Peaches can be cateogrized as cling, no cling, or semi cling. Who knew?

Dance in White Dresses...

I am reminded today of how the world hurts. How our generation hurts.

Our friends who laugh with us at lunch are crying to die at night. People we pass on the street with it all put together are falling apart as soon as they find isolation. Everywhere. Some of us live in too much of a protected shield, myself included, to realize how deep and widespread the pain is. Its time to open our eyes.

I did research today on the non-profit organization, To Write Love on Her Arms. The story that began this ministry is a powerful one. The video that explains it a little better can be found at the bottom of their website. (On the group's facebook page, you can see an interview of Renee two years after becoming sober.) But if you are only going to take one action after reading this, read the full story here.

Basic recap: Renee was hurting. She was suicidal, addicted to drugs, an alcoholic, and was cutting herself. She was denied entry into a rehab center because she was deemed "too great a risk."

Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn't slept in 36 hours and she won't for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she'll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn't ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her. She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds.

Sent back onto the streets, a group of Christians took her in, helped her get control for a few days, and then brought her back to rehab where she became clean.

As we arrive at the treatment center, she finishes: "The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope." I ask what she'd say if her story had an audience. She smiles. "Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."

Renee found hope. She found God's power of change. If there is one thing Im learning this summer, its of God's ultimate, all consuming power that brings life change. To prisoners, to the depressed, and to the hurting.

The best part of the story came at the end. He writes of the hope and grace Renee found in Jesus.

We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses.

Tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. Rarely have I heard a statement filled with such hope, such purpose. We all were made to dance in white dresses. To dance in joy before our King, for his pleasure and his glory. The broken, the confused, the hurting. The down trodden, the weak, the victims. But you know who else was made to dance in white dresses? The murderers, the victimizers, the pain inflicters. When they seek forgiveness, their garb changes from rags to robes. That is the power of Jesus.

I think the power of such a statement comes in revealing to a young girl who cant see living past today, who cant think past the hurt, who has been abused and taken advantage of, that she was made, made, to dance in white dresses...

But not only the hurting need to hear that. Those who are living "normal," "satisfied" lives need to hear it too. Because too often the complacency leads to sitting on the sidelines, refusing, by default, to dance before our King.

Another story that hit home the point was Josh Hamilton's testimony of how he left behind a life of drugs to become the MLB player he is today. Attributing it all to the power of the God of Change, he writes:

I prayed to be spared another day of guilt and depression and addiction. I couldn't continue living the life of a crack addict, and I couldn't stop, either. It was a horrible downward spiral that I had to pull out of, or die. I lay there -- in a hot and dirty trailer in the North Carolina countryside, in a stranger's house, in the cab of my pickup -- and prayed the Lord would take me away from the nightmare my life had become. How am I here? I can only shrug and say, "It's a God thing." It's the only possible explanation. I got better for one reason: I surrendered. Instead of asking to be bailed out, instead of making deals with God by saying, "If you get me out of this mess, I'll stop doing what I'm doing." I asked for help. I wouldn't do that before.

We know God is love. We know God is grace. We know God is powerful and mighty, patient and kind. But do we know God is change? Change for our broken lives, change for our complacency. Change for the ruts we thought wed never escape. Change for the cycles we thought would always go on.

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Lesson for Today: You know those embarassingly awkward situations that are minor and yet so horrible? Like someone catching you singing when you thought you were alone, or calling someone by another name only to realize it after the 15th time? Ya, leave those alone. Let it go, cut your losses. The attempt to fix them usually just results in further embarassment...

The Secret to Life...

This is not how God works. He does not make spare parts. You are not a spare part. You have a purpose - a design that is central to God's dream for the human race.... Here is the story of your life: You are on a mission from God.

I know that I have made a claim with the title of this post that makes it seem like a serious oversimplification. No one really knows the secret to life, or else theyd be rich and wed all be living much better lives than we are now. But think again. There is a secret to life, and weve been given that precious knowledge. We just choose not to use it. What is this 'secret' that will change the way we live?

As a crucial part of your calling, you were given certain gifts, talents, longings, and desires. To identify these with clarity, to develop them with skill, and to use them joyfully and humbly to serve God and his creation is central to why you were created.

To know the reason we were created gives us purpose, meaning, and significance in life. All of these things are what we are truly seeking. Underneath the drive for money, fame, status, and everything else is our inate desire for meaning. To serve God to the best of our ability, with the gifts He has given us - that is the key to significance. It seems so complicated, and yet its not. Life can at times hit us in such a way that we make it harder than it has to be. But there it is - the secret to life.

To further the point, I thought this story was pretty powerful as well:

There is an old Hasidic story in which everyone is commanded to wear a coat with two pockets to receive messages from God. In one pocket is written: You are nothing but one of millions upon millions of grains of sand in the universe. In the other pocket it says: I made the universe just for you.

Significance to be sure.

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Lesson for Today: Answered get to know you questions can be extremely hilarious, strangely depressing, or any gamut of emotions in between.

Lunch Time...

Last week, the interns had lunch with Mark Early and Chuck Colson, on separate days. It was two of the best parts about worldview week. Being able to have lunch and hear what they had to say to us, take in what they wanted to impart, ask questions and get answers... It was a good time. To put it lightly.

The best part about lunch with Mark was hearing his testimony. Ive mentioned in earlier posts about his attitude adjustment from God, and how he went from being attorney general to president of PF. Well, we got to hear an even more in depth description of that process, and in his own words. The part that really caught me was when he was describing the change in his perception of prisoners. It happened through the stories of Moses and Paul, as God showed him that he used these murders to accomplish His will. And not only that, they are arguably two of the most important figures in Biblical history. But they both started off with criminal records. Mark said (or something along these lines...), "I always used to think that the bad things people did disqualified them, not from salvation, but from use. But through the stories of Moses and Paul, I realized the opposite is the case." God's strength is made perfect in weakness. I dont know how many times we need to hear it before it rings true. Often times, the bad things people have done and turned away from are exactly what qualify them FOR use, not disqualify them from it. Not only for prisoners, but for all the other sinners walking free. Sinners like you and me. It makes me so grateful to think about how God not only loves me, not only forgives me, not only saves me... but uses me, in spite of my sin. Glory.

He also went on to say something similar to the following: "We do not go into prisons as a rescue mission at the gates of hell. We could do that anywhere. We could do that on the streets, in homeless shelters, or even in the church as there are plenty of sinners there. We do not go into the prisons because the people are so bad. We go in because we believe God is going to raise the next generation of leaders and catalysts for change from behind prison walls." I cannot tell you how many times I have heard leaders of this ministry talk about how God is bringing revival through the prison population. And talking to those who have been transformed behind bars, I can see it. I can see it coming. God is most certainly moving.

Lunch with Chuck was also interesting, and moving. (We got to have our picture taken with him at the end as well. A facebook profile picture if ever there was one.) He told us of how this ministry has changed so many lives. He told us of his meetings with the president and the ways God has worked through networks. He encouraged us in our faith and our understanding of the faith. He told us of how his relationship with his wife Patty made such a difference to this ministry as they journeyed and ministered together. But then he told us this: "People come up to me often and they say, 'You know, we like what you do, but we dont like your religion.' But what I do is because of my religion. I cannot separate the two." He told us of times that he had to take a stand, times where it would have been easier to take more of a social justice position than a Christian charity position. But then he would have been denying the very man that saved his soul. His integrity amazed me, and inspired me.

Both of these men had so much to offer us. They have so much to offer the world. And yet, I come to think that they are the same as everyone else. The difference is simply that they have opened their arms and said, "Lord, Im willing." Thats all it takes. When we come to the place where that is our true heart's desire, He can take it from there. Thats pretty exciting. At least it is from where Im sitting.

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Lesson for Today: There are only so many "get to know you" questions that one can think of before it starts turning into serious rewording of the exact same questions...

Dieting...

"Your diet determines your destiny."

This week at Prison Fellowship is Worldview Week. It consists of all the interns, field and national, spending the week engaged in training: listening to different speakers on worldview topics, participating in different events, meeting with different people. The week began with speakers explaining what a worldview is (Chuck, who popularized the idea of worldview through his book How Now Shall We Live? defines worldview as the following: simply the way we think the world works, and how we fit into it; worldview shapes our thoughts, attitudes, and actions), why it is important, how we know truth, and then a variety of "worldview in"s... Worldview in media and arts. Worldview in politics and government. Worldview in academia and education. Worldview in business. And so on.

The week has been some part fascinating, some part boring, as week long training sessions tend to be, and all part free training (which can never be discounted...). While I cannot say that it covers things I havent heard before, I can say that I have been confronted with ideas that have proven to challenge me, inspire me, and excite me, right down to my core. Already having three days behind, its going to be hard to condense it all into one post. But Ive been keeping a list of highlights, and I am going to try to pull them all together in a logical and coherant way. I think the best way to do so is to use a quote by the Chuck man himself.

"I submit that you cannot be a Christian in today's world if you do not know what's going on around you."

This week has been about living life with integrity. Integrity is defined as wholeness. Integer: one. Integrate: come together. It all boils down to completeness, coherance, all parts working together as a single unit. Our lives must reflect this idea. If we are to take on the name of Christ, we have to let him change every part of our lives, not just the parts we are comfortable with. We cannot be Sunday morning Christians. We cannot be school-only Christians, or Bible-study-only Christians, or around-certain-friends-only Christians. We cannot be any other kind of "only" Christians. We cannot choose to work in the ministry simply because we are scared of the world. We cannot pull ourselves out of secular book clubs to segregate ourselves. While these can be done with pure intentions, a Christ against culture approach is not only illogical, its downright unbiblical. Chuck's quote reminds us that we cannot be Christians who live with our heads in the sand. We are called to engage this world, bring the gospel to them, and live our lives in a fallen place based on Christ's absolute truth and with wholeness.

So, with that as the overarching theme, here is what I have learned:

• In leadership avoid the sin of overlooking people.
• The famous quote by the great theologian Abraham Kuyper is this reason that our worldview is so important: "Oh, no single piece of our mental world is to be hermetically sealed off from the rest, and there is not a square inch in the whole domain of our human existence over which Christ, who is Sovereign over all, does not cry: 'Mine!' " Christ cries "Mine!" over every single part of our existence. How can we only let him penetrate and rule over a portion of our lives? We must live with integrity, every part of our lives in wholeness.
• Our true calling is: first, to know God; second, to love God; third, to love others. All other callings on our life (vocation, location, etc.) are secondary to this ultimate, trifold purpose.
• We have to think from a Christian perspective and to a Christian perspective. One without the other denies ultimate truth.
• Perspectival thinking has come to dominate academia as language is slipping all around us. As a result, we have to continually ask people, "What do you mean when you say..." or the conversation is useless, and even harmful.
• We must learn that we cannot obtain happiness by seeking it. Instead, we find happiness in righteousness.

The things that I have learned that have fanned the flame of passion within me for prison ministry are the following:

• For every crime that is committed, 100 people are negatively effected. That means that for every prisoner that is released back on the street a changed man, and does not commit another crime, 100 people are positively effected.
• PF Benin is having some serious impact. Overcrowding, disease, death... Its taking over the prisons in the small African country of Benin. Prison Fellowship is trying to combat the problem by providing free legal aid to those awaiting trial (who often wait for a trial long enough in bad enough conditions in the prison that death overtakes them before they are even sentenced), providing jobs to keep the prisoners occupied and learn skills to make a living once released ("We are giving their minds freedom," states one PF Benin staff), classes to educate, and a Christian school that provides an above average education for children of prisoners. One of the head staff of PF Benin said, "All of this is my work, this is my assignment, this is my calling, this is my ministry, this is my life. And I cant do without it." Here, truly, is a man who knows the peace of following God's will for his life.
• Nick Robbins is one of the field interns who joined us this week. He was imprisoned at age 16 for 7 1/2 years. In the Iowa IFI unit, he found Jesus. Nick is now interning with PF in Missouri, sharing his testimony of a changed life, and praising the God of change. He is a real life story of the power Jesus' forgiveness provides. Its interesting hanging out with him, and realizing all the effects prison still has on someone after being behind bars for a good portion of their life. He was driving us to dinner and he jokingly stated that he hopes we get there okay, because, now in his mid 20s, he has only been driving for a total of one year of his life...
• Dan Wickam, a recent graduate of IFI Missouri said in his testimony, "I thought if there was a God, he hated me. And I was determined to hate him... In the spirit of Paradise Lost, I thought it would be better to reign in hell than serve in heaven." But then he came to IFI where Jesus found him. Talking about the program, he said, "The bar is set much higher. It is set to convert men into leaders, into catalysts of change in their community."

Lots of random tidbits. Its been a long few days. But it really does all come down to the idea of integrity. If we are to live our lives as Christ has called us to, every part must be submitted to his lordship, his will. Otherwise, we are only kidding ourselves. Our diet truly does determine our destinies. What are we allowing to shape our futures?

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Lesson for Today: When asking Ted Kennedy about his hypocrisy in estate taxes, make sure an elevator is not around for an easy escape.

Black or Lace???

Weddings are an interesting thing. I think it takes all types of different girls and sorts them into categories. You get the "everything must be PERFECT" girl. You get the "bunk tradition, I want black" girl. You get the "I want to be a princess" girl, the "do it however you want, mom" girl, the "I just want to party" girl, the "I hate details, get me to Vegas" girl, and every other kind in between.

I was reading an article by a girl who gave the perspective of getting married without her mom, who had died years before, and the heartache that comes with it. Super sad, because weddings are meant to be shared with moms and sisters. And when that cant happen, or doesnt, grief hits.

But I found her article surprisingly lighthearted amidst the emotion, and felt more than one statement resonate with my own wedding "experience" thus far.

Statements that told of the ease of forgoing details, like, "We went with Option C pretty much across the board. Food, flowers, music, all decided in five minutes. Option C. When in doubt, I always chose Option C. After all, the same plan had worked quite well with my SATs." Statements that told of the hilariousness, and irony, of wedding dress saleswomen, like, " 'You look gorgeous,' they said. 'I look like me, but in a wedding dress.' 'Well, yeah. But a gorgeous you.' It wasn’t their fault that they lacked authority; they were being paid to say I looked good." Statements that highlight the joy of saving money, like, "I’ve never been the type for a wedding, either, which is probably why I was thrilled to buy our invitations from Costco, online and on sale. No hassle, no fuss, bulk discount."

After all, "A dress is a dress is a dress." Right?

But somehow, in all the rebelling against tradition and details and money spending, Ive figured out a few things. Ive figured out that tradition isnt always as bad as I like to think. After all, it became tradition for a reason, right? Ive figured out that details are important to people. And I can deal with it, because Im not the only person in the process. And Ive figured out that money spending... Well, it has to be done.

Weddings definitely bring out a different side in every different girl. It might be one of the most interesting parts about them. And I find myself wondering if maybe, just maybe, the normal me that would rather wear black nail polish, men's mesh shorts, and oversized hoodies every day of the week will be trumped, just this one day, by the desire to wear earrings, lace, and heels. I have yet to find out which side will win out...

Good thing I have my mom to look out for me. Though I think Ill pass on the earrings.

In "other news," I just found an article today relaying the details of 22-year-old Jose Rivera, an officer in a federal prison in San Joaquin Valley, California, who was stabbed to death by two inmates with homemade weapons at the end of June. FBI is investigating....

Oh ya, and the frequent usage of blogs are a paradox to America's obsession with privacy laws. Interestingly enough named the privacy paradox.

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Lesson for Today: Praying on a conference call creates somewhat an awkward situation: do you close your eyes or not? I know it doesnt matter as far as praying goes, but somehow, I still have yet to find a comfortable solution to this problem, even after multiple calls beginning and ending in prayer...

An Attitude Adjustment by God...

Another article inspired post. New York Times just published an article on Prison Fellowship, Mark Early, and Pat Nolan this past weekend. Called Unlikely Allies on a Former Wedge Issue, it gives Mark's perspective on how crime is no longer an issue that separates Democrats and Republicans. In the recent years, it has come to be an issue that is more common-ground than anything. In light of the upcoming election, this article is definitely relevant.

On a more personal level, reading about Mark Early's former position as attorney general of Virginia, and how he began to reverse his previous stands is pretty powerful. Seeing the prisoners as real men, pushing for new laws to help them, and fighting for them instead of against them... Quite the transformation. He realized these were “not the Ted Bundys, the mass murderers” but “kids who reminded me of my kids, serving 5, 10, 15 years for drugs and going out and being rearrested again.”

I think his story, the irony and the dramatic change (or as he puts it, an "attitude adjustment by God"), shows the greatness of God. Pat Nolan, too. Former California legislator turned advocate on behalf of prisoners. Like the lives of so many of men this ministry touches, his changed when he found the reality of God in prison. “I went into prison believing in God, and I came out knowing him. I understood how much he loved us, even in a dark place.”

The stories of the changed lives is what keeps this ministry going. Testimonies from men who find forgiveness in Jesus while in jail. Women who find significance. Kids who find direction.

I was sitting at my desk today, working on whatever Tuesday afternoon usually brings, and I overheard some staff reading a couple letters from prisoners seeking help. The stories of these men would break your heart. All they want is to know someone cares. One man specifically wrote to get a penpal, "someone who will write me," because his family has no contact with him. This is what its about: helping people. People who no one wants to help. We need to realize Jesus loves them; no more, no less than any person sitting in a pew on Sunday morning. Yet, somehow we cant quite grasp that. Until we do, we have yet to truly, actively, love Him: "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

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Lessons for Today: 1.) The children's book Dad's In Prison is, according to the single review on Amazon, "...also fick enough to conceal a hacksaw or other small tool." Just in case you were wondering. 2.) In a Swedish manner, Im completely neutral in saying check out this article on Obama's plan to recruit evangelicals through promoting faith-based programs.