Are you an Eigen Function?...

There's a mathematical concept that has caught my attention over the past couple of months. But as I was looking it up to understand it a bit better, the engineer of the house walked by and laughed at me for reading articles on eigen functions on a Friday night... But Ive learned that theres more to be learned from them than just...well, whatever it is that math people learn from them. So heres the pay off of what I got from it.

Its been explained that an eigen function, at its most simple explanation, is that which is self-explaining, or as Stephen Denny puts it, "...its expression is self-validating." To give an example, the following sentence can be called an eigen function: "This sentence starts and ends with a T." It explains what it is. Get it? Sort of?

It took me a bit. But you can check more about how it plays into marketing at Stephen Denny's blog. Its a pretty solid marketing function and made me question a lot about how to be a better "business."

But past that, it made me think of what we are called to be as Christians. 1 John says, "Whoever claims to live in Him must live as Jesus did." We are called to be eigen functions. When we are explaining who Christ is, the person listening should get it immediately because they see how we live. When we are telling of the grace and forgiveness that comes at the feet of Jesus, we should be self-validating the grace and forgiveness we ourselves pour out on others.

Its been said before, in multiple ways, like "Walk the Talk." But the basic message of that phrase, and of the concept of eigen functions, is that we need to be the essence of what and Who we claim. Period.

Not bad for a Friday night of math articles, huh?

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Lesson for Today: Doctor offices are no fun. Especially when they check your age to make sure you dont need a parent signature. And then get asked way too many questions that you have no idea how to answer.

Paper Walls...

I was in the car with my sister this past week as we heard a new song titled "Paper Walls." As I listened to the lyrics, I couldnt help but think of how much the Christian life is lived within those paper walls. Here are a few of the lyrics to give you the general idea:

Let's burn a hole so we can climb out

Of these paper walls and this empty house

Don't listen too close, their words are like guns

With bullets that fly and kill what you've won

Let's burn a hole so we can climb out

Of these paper walls and this empty house

We're the only thing thats real

These visions we have of ten years ago...

Some love to hate and some tell you lies

So let's make a toast and kiss them goodbye...

Here I am, still hold on to this

Dream we had, won't let go of it...

Let's take what hurts and write it all down

On these paper walls and this empty house

And when our ink runs out, we'll burn it to the ground

Here I am, still hold on to this

Dream we had, won't let go of it...

Here I stand, won't turn back again...

As I listen to that song, I envision the Christians who are living in houses made of paper walls - houses built by the hurt, lies, and darkness of this world. God has given us a dream, something we held on to and were excited about at first. But as we ran after what He put in our hearts, the world hit us across the face. And as we met with trials, walls began to build. The ironic part is: we arent trapped, even though we feel like it. We just have to realize those wall are only paper.

We live in these paper houses, thinking they will protect us from what the rest of the world will throw at us. And yet, in the bottom, deepest part of our hearts, we know that dream is from God and is meant to be fulfilled. Why cant we just set fire to the walls? Is it due to fear? To the comfort of living in some semblance of a house? 

We need to learn to break out. We need to write down what hurts, and let Christ set fire to those walls. We need to be freed to fulfill the purposes He created us for. Why cant we see that?

When I was in Mexico a few years ago, the church we were at had set up for prophetic art during the service. One of the members felt God put an image on his heart, so all service he was on the side of the sanctuary working on it. At the end, he held up an incredible sketching of a man inside a prison cell. He was lying on the floor beside a window - his shackles undone, the door opened. And yet, he continued to lie there. God was speaking through that image saying, "This is my church. I have freed you. FREED YOU! The door is open, I have paid your price, walk out and join me! Why wont you join me?"

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. There it is, right there. Galatians 5.1. We have been set free.

So let's take what hurts and write it all down. And when our ink runs out, we'll call fire from heaven to burn those walls down. And then well walk in the freedom we have in Christ, and never look back.

Never look back.

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Lesson for today: Warren G. Harding was one of those men known for his striking features. Not that Im agreeing, or disagreeing. Just to say he was known for it back at the turn of the 20th century, according to journalist of the time, Mark Sullivan.

Our Chance to Change the World...

This past week was spent serving inner city kids and meeting other needs in Buffalo. The wildest part of it all is that we entered into a completely different world...ten minutes down the road from where we live. And I cant think of anything more challenging than that fact.

The week had its ups and downs as one can imagine, what with being in charge of 30+ five and six year old boys. But I would give a whole lot to do it again.

Sitting here tonight, I think about all I have seen over the past 6 days... In fact, I cant get it out of my head. Try as I might, images seem to be burned on the back of my eyes, as if I see the world I am in now through those memories... How different life is.

Sharing the images on my mind seems futile - like telling a Texan the good points about snow - only because I know that hearing it isnt like experiencing it. But I cant not tell. And I think it needs to be heard.

There are good images like Jermaine dancing up and down during closing ceremony, spinning in circles, trying to follow along with the song as best he could. And all the while looking up at me with his dark brown eyes and bright white smile. Or like watching Isaac share his toy with the same boys who would simply rip it out of his hands if he didnt give it willingly. Or sitting on the bus ride home, squeezed in a seat with three boys, and having us all tell stories and share 15 minutes of life together.

There are bad images like breaking up a fight between two five year olds and, while holding one of them away from the other, seeing the malice in his eyes and feeling his heart beating wildly with rage. Or the image of Mu-Nae, a Burmese refugee, walking out of her tiny apartment, confusion in her eyes, and her three children staring up at us with wonder. Or watching a fourteen and fifteen year old out on the street tell of their drug deals and the joy they would have in shooting someone with their newly bought "pieces of steel."

And there are heartbreaking images. Ones that can stop a smile mid-laugh. Like watching the tears roll down Linda's face, a homeless woman seeking prayer for a place to stay. Or hearing about one of the boy's mom who prostitutes herself to support her drug addiction, leaving the children home alone for days. Or seeing an old woman, who reminded me so much of my own grandma, stand in the blazing sun for half an hour just to get a bag of groceries because she has no one to care for her.

The images are vibrant and distinct right now. But Im worried that, as they start to slowly fade away, I will forget. Im worried I will forget Rodney's smile in spite of his horrendous situation. Im worried I will forget that these boys need more love and attention or they will end up a prison, youth violence, or death statistic. Im worried I will forget that all this need is just around the corner.

And as I think about forgetting, I know that I need to soak up what God has taught me this week as much as possible so that it is ingrained in me - even when the images fade.

So what to do now? How do we change how we live in suburbia to meet these needs? What can I do to help past this one week?

Leviticus 19: The LORD said to Moses, "Speak to the entire assembly of Israel and say to them: 'Be holy because I, the LORD your God, am holy....' When you reap the harvest of your land, do not reap to the very edges of your field or gather the gleanings of your harvest. Do not go over your vineyard a second time or pick up the grapes that have fallen. Leave them for the poor and the alien. I am the LORD your God."

As I read this, I wonder how many times suburban Christians have gone over their harvest fields twice to gather everything for themselves that they can - myself included. How often do we milk all we can get out of situations, only to horde it for ourselves? We work overtime, we spend time finding great deals, we tithe our 10% and dont give a penny more... all so that our bank accounts can grow, our toys can multiply, and our security is cushioned. Why arent we allowing the edges of the harvest or the second gleaning to go to the incredible number of both the poor and alien in our own city?

And even more than how we live our individual lives, I think the way we do church needs to change; too often we pick up the grapes that have fallen and eat them ourselves when it comes to ministry as well. Why do we want to spend our money to make our church buildings look the best they can instead of using the money to reach the poor and bring them through our doors? Why does our effort go to creating programs that will "please" the "mature" Christians instead of putting all our effort into helping the nonChristian, the "immature"? What are we doing?

Not that Im in the habit of quoting him, but as Bono says... "Every generation gets a chance to change the world."

God, help us change.

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Lesson for today: Scrubbing extremely dirty window blinds...out on a dirty sidewalk...with dirty water...and a soft sponge...in the hot sun...with people staring at you... That is definitively NOT the best way to go about cleaning them - no matter what a good idea it seems to be at the time.

How to Have the Perfect Life...

Sometimes God's plans go against what man thinks is "common sense." My ways are higher than your ways. That whole idea. And when we follow what God calls us to do, we get criticized. Even by those who understand that God calls for out of the ordinary.

My marrying Gary was one of them. In fact, my dating Gary was one of them, too. He was different from me. We were both strong Christians and seeking what the Lord had, but he was different. I laughed...all the time. And, well, he didnt. I was all smiles, carefree and fun. And he was serious. I was young and he was older. I hadnt ever dated anyone and he had. I was just entering college and he was graduated with a full time job and his masters in view. These differences made our decision to pursue a relationship seem unwise and careless to many.

When we first started dating, I had person after person give me what they thought were helpful comments. Everything from people he knew telling me what his struggles were, to telling me I would be wise to stay away, to telling me I need to be careful with this relationship... Everyone thought they knew him best. And decided to tell me so. But the more I got to know him, the less he resembled all those things people told me. He laughed and he made me laugh. He created fun and I had more fun when I was with him. He was out of the box and goofy and wild and hilarious... But none of those people knew him enough to see beyond his front. And so they told me how they saw him, how he "really" was.

It made dating so difficult for me. I had sleepless nights and lonely afternoons were I pondered what they had said and wondered what I was doing. But time and again, God's Spirit spoke to me, deep called unto deep. And I knew that I was supposed to be with him.

Then we broke up. And when I did, the comments I got were along the lines of, "I knew you two wouldnt last. Because I know him and I know you, and I just knew it wouldnt work." I was never sure how to take that or react to it. But still, I knew God had a plan for us. We got back together, got engaged, and tied the knot. All along the way, we were criticized. People told us horror stories of being married. They told us how different we were and how the road would be so hard for us. They told us everything you would never think your basic Christian community would tell you. And through it all, we prayed.

I think thats the only thing that kept me going. I heard the voice of God speaking loud and clear, and I had to make a solid decision that His voice was stronger than theirs. 

The road hasnt been easy. It hasnt been all cherries and rainbows. But I am more in love with Gary now than I have ever been. And I have more confidence every day that I am where God is calling me. Not many people can say that.

Despite the comments and the criticism, the stories and the "advice," I am in the perfect place. I have the perfect life. Because right now, this is the life God has created me to live. And as long as I follow His voice, I can truly say my life is perfect. Its perfect for me.

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Lesson for today: Some people are so lost, and so hurting... Like George Sodini. It makes my heart break for not reaching outside myself more often.